Dreamwalking 1 is a continuation of the Dreamwalking series. These are experiences I have had over the years I have been actively and knowingly working on my spiritual path. I don't believe that I have ever not been traveling my path; it is just that some aspects and times have been more in conscious awareness than others. This section of Dreamwalking includes general information and personal experiences, both ordinary reality experiences and mystical/visionary experiences.
It is my wish that these experiences might point to some possibilities that others might recognize and choose to pursue. I can't tell anyone how to have the same experiences I've had but I can and do make some suggestions about how to set a space - a sacred space - to provide an opportunity for personal experience. Learning about experiences that others have had has helped me to come to terms with my own experiences when I couldn't understand what was happening to me.
Like all of this website, this section is in a state of creation. Parts are in narrative form and other parts are a few random notes to remind me what I want to expand on at some later time. I don't anticipate that it will ever be completed. Be patient and when you find a section you wish I would hurry and add to, then email me and I will refocus my attention.
The Crystal Skull
In 1986 I was a presenter at the International Association of Metaphysicians in Denver CO. My presentation was "The Shaman Within". I also sold tapes and books that I had made. On the day of my presentation one woman purchased several items from me. She returned the next day and insisted I go with her to another conference in Denver to see Anna Mitchell-Hedges and the Crystal Skull. Somewhat reluctantly I agreed. I have long since lost touch with her and have forgotten her name but I continue to be grateful for her insistence. She led me into an extremely powerful experience that continues to influence my life. I met Anna and talked with her, and I was able to place my hands on the skull. I don't understand the power of the skull and I have learned that individuals have very different and unique experiences with it. I had a direct transmission through the crystal that I did not then understand and am still receiving new information from. It established a connection with me that "feeds" me regularly. Most of what I receive is of a nebulous nature, difficult to conceptualize even in my own mind and almost impossible to relate to anyone else.
We did go to the conference, at her insistence. But I took my car and met her there. I wanted to be sure I didn't get "trapped" in an undesirable situation. I was also reluctant to leave my booth at the I AM Conference any longer than necessary. I didn't have an assistant to cover for me while I was away. There were many people at the conference she took me to. About 700 people were in attendance at the presentation she gave. She was the keynote speaker.
In 1986 when I met her, Anna was 85. As a child, in the 20's, she had been in the Yucatan with her father, archeologist, Frederick Mitchell-Hedges, as he was exploring the site of Lubaantun. Lubaantun was one of the last great Mayan cities. It was built during the 8th century and covered an area of 6 square miles. It was active for only about 150 years and like so many other settlements, its abandonment is unexplained. A small book by Alice Bryant and Phyllis Glade, "The Message of the Crystal Skull: From Atlantis to the New Age" has theories about the disappearance of the people and also has detailed information about the skull. Another, and more scholarly book, "The Mystery of the Crystal Skulls" by Chris Morton and Ceri Louise Thomas, has even more information about the Mitchell-Hedges skull as well as other skulls and the Lubaantun site. Mitchell-Hedges was of the opinion that the site greatly predated the Mayan time.
Even though F. A. Mitchell-Hedges was unmarried he had adopted Anna, an orphan, in the first few years of the 20th century. As is frequently the case with archeology, money was tight. He would return to the United States every six months to speak and raise funds for his work. While he was in the states, Anna would stay with a Mayan family that assisted with the archeological work. Part of the time there was also a secretary, Lady Richmond Brown, who assisted. Anna not only was knowledgeable about the skull. She had photos and beautifully descriptive stories about those years in the Yucatan. One story she told related the wildness of the time and place through a description of herself and Mary (Lady Brown) being attacked by bandits and having to shoot one of them to escape being raped and killed. At the age of 17, probably 1918 - as she remembers, on her birthday, she found the skull. A few days later the jawbone was found by one of the workers several feet away.
10/10/98 Mystical experience
Eye to eye with the crystal skull - some kind of deep sharing. Could hear Rodger and Lynne talk - baseball - Cowboys - Bay Watch - Canyon - hiking. No verbalization from the skull - just as before - deep emotional knowing - not sure what I know. Not sure what is being shared. The first/other time there was tears.
After the encounter with the Crystal Skull there were many experiences in my life. The occurrence that I describe next related to my entering into my Tantra studies. Part of my path is to experience as many aspects of different beliefs and religions as is possible for my limited time span and capabilities. This is in preparation for the coming union of world religions. It is one learning which assists in the transformation of the planet from fourth world to fifth world.
Skull and jawbone two separate parts - but had once been a single block of crystal.
There is much more - I will continue later.
Vision, dream, trance
The beginning on this night was during my pottery class. I made the decision no allow the opening between realities and stayed in this reality while experiencing as shadow thoughts, Buddhist monk-like characters. My focus was divided and I made several small flubs ... spilling glaze and having difficulty with organizing my thoughts and actions.
A friend came by for a cup of tea and fortunately was good enough friend that I could say, "I’m going to sleep now". She understood that I was going away and answered my phone and looked after things around the house. It is comforting to have someone around when I leave this reality, to take of the physical form I return to.
Because the sensations had begun earlier, as soon as I lay down I began to have sensory experience. There is thought and mental pictures of ordinary and non-ordinary things ranging from kids, grandchildren, groceries, classes, friends, plans, tasks and very general things. Then there is the feeling of stepping through all the thought processes. I find myself someplace beyond thoughts and could return to the thinking but choose not to. This sensation of beyond thought-ness is a sensation I have been working toward for some time.
Previous techniques of expanding consciousness have included religion, hypnosis, drumming, meditation, vision questing, Shamanic journeying, sweat lodges, dreamwork of many kinds and self created techniques and intuitively ... divinely shared/guided techniques. My studies recently expanded to include Tantric study, laying groundwork for mandalas, sandpaintings (also in my Navajo lifestyle), holy or medicine people as guides, initiations and empowerments. In the past several years several ‘wise’ people’ have shared abilities and skills with me. I have been ‘given’ awareness of many possibilities that exist outside our usual ‘limited’ thinking but that have been part of secret or ‘higher’ societies for all of time as we know it. These have been secret because humanity hasn’t been ready to open to the possibilities a few have carried the teachings.
With this background, stepping into these alternate realities is familiar and comfortable to me. It is a pursued skill and experience. This pursuit could be ‘one explanation’ for my continuing and expanded experiences. It could also be used to disclaim my vision experiences of alternate realities. Whatever explanation we might agree on, for me, my experiences are fully ‘real’ and enlightening experiences.
Alternate realities remain on the fringes of my consciousness. So, it took no effort to slide into this one. In fact it would have taken effort to stop the experience at this point. First sensation was of other place-ness. It was simply a matter of letting go of my ordinary ‘here and now’. I was immediately ‘there’. I felt as if I were entering a giant sand painting made of many colors and shapes with elaborate and intricate design. The outer edge was a combination of flame-like twist and curls of red, yellow, and blue. At each of the cardinal directions was a doorway or room-like area. I stepped into ... or was drawn into ... one of the enclosed rectangular areas with no sense of the direction from which I entered. The sand under my feet was blue and the edges took on a feeling of three dimension. Edges began to feel like walls one or two feet high. I thought of stepping over a wall before they grew taller. At the thought of stepping over was the awareness that movement was as easily accomplished by movement though. There was simultaneous realities of three dimensional form and also a permeability that had no limiting capabilities. Everything was both there and not there.
After entering and moving through the first enclosure, I continued toward the center. Movement did not follow a path but transversed design and pattern. Details of shapes and colors rippled and swam under my feet, both ‘solid and firm’ and not. Thought threads tickled and tugged me to the internal gateway. Sensation of gateway guardians was present but not in my awareness. At the center I reached into each direction and opened the teachings from each of the four. With recognition of the upward direction and the lower direction, I connected those also with the center point. Then each of the unlimited number of directions opened and there was bath of rainbow light and the feeling of full contact with everything.
Powers and teachings from every direction formed in my mind as a temple or dwelling place, a sacred space of mastery and ceremony. This sanctuary had many rooms. Some were dark and closed off. Stairs led up to the roof top space and light permeated everything bring a sensation of inner warmth. Having reached the pinnacle of my aspiring I paused to contemplate my journey.
The sensation of each individual color of grains of sand creating the mandala surrounding me was experienced in its uniqueness and its kinship with all other sand grains. There was texture, smell, sound, temperature, taste, and many other sensation such as balance, movement, emotion, permanence and impermanence. All the sensations familiar to my ordinary self were evident but unconceived sensations were everywhere also. Sensations previously unrecognized became familiar and comfortable. Lines and shapes in the design took on a quality of height and width, seeming solid and transparent at the same time. They were non-enclosing enclosures. The maximum extensions of duality seemed the norm. What had been previously considered opposites was now non-dual.
Still in the center and in the midst of observing all the phenomena through expanded sensory data throughout my environment, I became aware that I was not alone as an entity form. I had learned about the concept of Shambhla from Lama Yeshe and Choygum Trumpa’s books and experienced this center area as the Shambhla kingdom that had moved into another reality through the accomplishment of enlightenment of all its citizens. The Rigden kings of Shambhala seemed to be surrounding me in a kind of council circle. In front of each of them, and perhaps part of them was their consort, their gender counterpart. No words were spoken. This was all experienced beyond words. I can’t even translate mental awareness into thoughts and then into words. I smiled inside and wondered if a similar experience had led someone to create the concept of Mr. Spock’s Vulcan mind-meld in the Star Trek series. There was a total awareness of sameness with the others. Still the sameness didn’t negate uniqueness ... individuality. Sand was still sand ... color was still color ... entity was still entity. Yet, all was One.
Everywhere was silence in the fullness of silence that contains everything. No words were spoken, no conversations took place. Music flowed as ripples of cosmic awareness. Sound exploded in sparkles of stars. Everything and nothing, all at the same time.
At exactly the same time there was an equally vivid alternate vision of what now would be called Anasazi ruins. In the vision they were not ruins but were represented as present time reality of existence ... present time as it would have been when the Anasazi were present on this planet. This ‘place’ too, was shifted into another layer of reality and was layered or superimposed onto the space of Shambhala and my current ‘here and now’ reality. Entities were here also in much the same way as my experience of Shambhala. Male and female counterparts once again surrounded me in a circular fashion. The same connection of consciousness pervaded this reality. It seemed as if other visions or realities were everywhere ... just beyond my awareness.
These alternate realities were being shared with me as experiences of what it is I am reaching toward. These realities were shared as consciousness that there are further reaches to stretch toward. Dissolving into another dimension and return to three dimension reality is becoming my reality. This is Sri Aurobindo’s concept of bring spirit to matter. It is Ken Wilbers full spectrum of consciousness. It could also be our concept of Nirvana and heaven. These enlightened beings have not reached an ultimate boundary ... they too reach toward boundaries and limits that stretch them into still farther layers. There shared with me the reachable for me. They also allowed me to glimpse the reachable for them and to know that the potential reachable are unlimited. We each move the other forward through our own movement. Forward movement makes space for others to move forward. The vacuum created by our absence helps pull others forward. Perhaps this movement participates in forming some still further enfolding of space-time. There are no limits ... no end points ... no ultimate attainment.
As each of the ‘sets of entities’ connected consciousness with me, I retained a segment of logical thought and wondered how I could explain this ... to others or to myself in an ordinary awake condition. I am reminded of the statements of Jesus concerning "preparing a place in my fathers house" and Buddha’s comments of being unable to teach what is already part of us. Nothing was new to my ‘mind’ knowledge. Everything was new to my ‘experience’ knowledge. The cells of my being, the unseen essence of my seed, the swirl of my consciousness that is the ultimate consciousness remembers a knowing that has been only in my preconsciousness. This meta-consciousness is barely dawning ... in me and in this ‘real’ world. With this first light of dawn we wake up.
The experience lasted for about four hours ... from 9:00 PM to 1:00 AM.
Beth Hin: A Mystic Teacher
Beth Hin http://www.TheWhiteRose.org/ is a mystic and friend. she has been my mentor, and my teacher for many years. Had it not been for a visit with here in 1993 I might still be trying to deny my path. As a result of her "encouragement" I walk freely and comfortably with who I am. As an additional result of that first meeting, I have been more assertive with some of you. You might even say "pushy". There is no longer time to waste processing and reprocessing old "stuff" and trying to deny our personal power. We can't continue to feel unworthy to be fully and completely who we are and our purpose - individual purpose and collective purpose. We must Remember Who We Are and act on that memory. What is a mystic?
Certainly we sometimes get off track or confused or insecure, but we still must return to purpose. The following comments concern one of my difficult times and something of how I was helped through Beth. It is my wish and my prayer that I can pass on some of her wisdom and some of my own to those individuals that look toward me. You must then pass on anything you learn to others who look toward you.
10/9/98 - Beth Hin in Santa Fe
Beth Hin is speaking in Santa Fe. I'm eager to see her, hear what she has to say, and talk briefly with her. There is seldom time for more than a few words, an acknowledgement, an smile, but is it always enough. I had written her several days earlier and sent an e-mail. I hoped she would get it prior to the presentation.
Comments from my letter to Beth dated 9/29/98.
I last talked with you in Feb … after major physical problems began for me and you had cancelled a class. I was very ill for some time - I am just now in remission.
My medical diagnosis was Lupus I have known this most of my life and I did my research on treatments and eliminated the possibility of steroids. My techniques seem to be most successful.
I walked the path between life and death all spring, summer and until now - Sept. Many lessons have been given. Most important - when body, emotions, thoughts, mind - all the attributes of physical form = fail, spirit remains. I, "of course" have always know that. But. this experience, while not new was significantly bigger and more real.
Realizations: 1. This is 5th world stuff, I feel the rebellion of the world, it's pain and rage. 2. Navajo are more reluctant than most to come to union. Separateness is their goal, as well as a return to the "old ways" BWM (Before White Man). This energy is hitting and hurting my body. And - I love the Navajo people no less. 3. I have never felt the world was a safe place to totally come out of the closet with the things I know … being a mystic … or as Jeff says, an intuitive. I did not know how much I had been hurt by the teasing of "weird", "black sheep, talk strange … and too much. 4. Much of my pain has been my struggle against staying and doing. 5. I have previously worked with the veils, my term is the gateways. My primary earth job has been opening the gate and holding it open for others - a gatekeeper. With the transformations that have occurred, I had thought my work was ended and I could go home where it is safe. NOT! 5. Now I have to work with the union HERE on the planet and with people. I must forget the armor, put away the protection of going "out there" and I must bring out there "here". AND live it all here. 6. I can't work in private anymore. I don't know what that means but my remission has been dependent on my willingness to go public (I hope not too public, I really enjoy my quiet life). But I am willing to do whatever I am asked. YES, is my answer to the divine and I don't have to hear the question before I answer. 7. Part of the illness has been my extreme reluctance to remain in this world in this physical body. I have to live it all here and in this body and must have gratitude for this body - sick or well. 8. Part of my ongoing work is to be with a t least 2 of my many grandchildren. They are fully awake and in supportive environments. AND there are things only I can teach them. there are others but that is enough for you to get the idea.
- The "council" I work with I call the "Council of Eldehearts" (you have referred to something similar, perhaps federation or confederation). There are many beings, some with a human body, some who no longer have a human body, others form other places - worlds, dimensions, or realms. On recent work session Grandfather David of the Hopi chatted with me. I know that Grandfather David is no longer in body. He gave me much information, but one bit of information I don't understand. I am asking you if you know anything about it. There are eight realms or worlds that I primarily work with in addition to this one. One of there has had a great many problems, something like I would imagine it might be like here on earth if we had had a third world war with chemical warfare, and physical destruction of the planet. Grandfather David said that realm did no exist any longer. The feeling was that the surviving beings had been moved but I really don't understand.
So question # 1 is any information? How can an entire world "no longer exist"?
In October of '94 you talked with me … a reading? You helped me remember who I am! But more importantly you helped me realize that I had to get to work. "Nagual, Medicine woman, world teacher, were terms you used. "I rarely see teachers even that carry as much power as I do … and you do … you were chosen to do this before you were born, it is based of previous lives and the tremendous knowledge that you carry … you walk in unshakable impeccability that not even the Dali Lama or someone of that stature could disorder … the Mother, you were born this way just as Mother Meera or I were born this way … transparent quality … those things have to do with the way you have been treated by men … your main work is to be a world teacher, a universal teacher … a world teacher, you will influence the way the whole world, the entire world experiences truth … used as one of the guardians of the earth, a specific type of person , coming into your own, have to get to work, really get to work, more than you have done in the past … your life suits you, rarely do I see someone with a life path so clearly defined around them."
I think I understand all this within the context of the life I have I have lived up to now. You confirmed my internal knowing, and gave me a language for who I am and why I am here on this planet.
Question #2. Does this still relate to what I am doing now? any suggestions?
Question #3. Recently you talked about the casual body dissolving. Could you explain more about that, and what the implications are for me? … the dissolving of the other bodies>
Question #4. "World teacher", is this part of my new unarmored life? Does it deal with my public vs. private work?
Question # 5. Do you have other "helpful hints" for me? My with is that I don't have to work in the midst of Lupus pain. I would like to work as correctly as possible.
Question # 6. Any information on "kind of being" I am "guardian", the way I have lived in past lives, who I was, and why I can't remember more? Would it be too much for me to know more about the power I carried in the past?
… about who I was?
I walk beside you. I feel you ever present in my life. I carry you in my heart and my prayers. I would like to know more about your physical difficulties. It seems our pains are similar. I express my gratitude to the Divine - the original source - for the work you and so many others are doing for this planet.
More Carol Stuff - Santa Fe to see Beth
Conray and I went to Albuquerque and Santa Fe.
We left about 8:00 in the morning for a meeting in Albuquerque with the representatives from Prescott College. We met and had lunch with them in Old Town. It was somewhat difficult to focus on the 2 + 2 program that we were considering with the college. My mind kept slipping to the program that night with Beth. I had hopes that there would be some answers there about my pain, my path, the "me" stuff in general.
The meeting was beneficial. Despite my straying thoughts, Prescott College seems interested in working with us. Conray reported later that he felt something like a little boy in that setting. I was surprised that he felt that. He is such and articulate and awake young man. I value his impressions and his judgments.
We also went to the mall so I could shop for shoes. Shopping is a misleading statement. I rarely shop. I knew just exactly which shop I wanted to visit and just how psychologically painful it would be - my pre-judgment. I generally hate trying to find shoes and I knew it would be difficult. It was, but it was also a joy. The young woman who waited on me was pregnant. We talked about that and it brought joy and pleasant memories to mind. I watched as she leaned forward to work with shoes or measure feet. She needed to separate her knees to allow room for her belly full of baby as she leaned forward. I remember that behavior very well. She had been ill and had had some difficulty but also loved the feeling of movement and the feeling of a baby inside. I felt a beautiful connection with her. At the end of the experience when I was paying for the shoes I knew that I wanted to give her something for the child - in my mind it is a boy. I took out one of my favorite arrowheads - for protection - and gave that to her to put away for the child at some future time. It feels/felt very much that the child is one of the awake children. We talked a bit about child rearing. We were on agreement about the need to love a child and provide a safe place for them to be who they are - fully. So! The shoe buying was a joy rather than a pain. Plus, I found shoes that I like better than most. I bought three pair so that I won’t have to shop again soon. However, I will return to check on her. I have kept her name. I keep her and her child in my prayers and thoughts.
Conray and I left soon after that and went on to Santa Fe. It was the weekend of the balloon festival and traffic was as chaotic as I have ever experienced it and it was quite slow. There were no major accidents, including us so we arrived at the meeting in plenty of time to relax and unwind a bit. Susan and her friend Chris came by. Susan said she couldn't take the seats and sitting that long. So they greeted me, met Conray, and we visited. It was a close but very brief visit. A bit latter, Lynne and friends came and we greeted. Then Mike Andrews, Jeanie, and another woman came. That too, was good. I haven't seen Mike in some time. Jeanie was warm and told me that she had read my "dream" stuff on the Gathering of Circles web site. It was very reinforcing.
Sometime after 10:00 PM we left Santa Fe and Beth's talk to return to Tsaile. I drove the first two hours then asked Conray to drive. I was sleepy or spacey or something so I mellowed out and thought about the evening. After a few minutes of thought I got my pen and paper and began to make notes. I used my dream note method, writing in the dark.
I once watched a blind friend write. He placed his finger on the edge of the paper, put the pen next to his finger and wrote a line of print. Then he moved his finger down a bit and repeated the process. It worked well. So I began to attempt the technique in the dark when I wanted to make notes about a dream. My writing is relatively clear as long as I don't forget to turn to the next page. Double notes are difficult to interpret.
For the two hours Conray drove, I made notes. Some, I share with you.
I think it has shifted. I feel a peace that is familiar. It is like an old friend returning after a long absence. I have so missed this feeling of joy at being alive. It is as if something changed in the cells of my body. I have been sensing it as a kind of tingle in my skin, almost like an electrical flush in my face and a deep shimmer like the fire breath.
Tonight at Beth's talk it came and went but toward the end of the evening it was very strong. I think about and feel it rush through my cells once again - to feel peace at the thought of it being fully back.
I have strong memories of that feeling. I remember it occurring that night about five years ago. It is a really strong feeling … familiar. I remember the joy, the feeling of having the bliss poured though my body and spirit. It seems to have been very long ago. It seems equally long since I have felt it … only 8 months … only and 8-month eternity. I randomly wonder how this shift will effect Rodger - me - if at all. I am more receptive, more open … with Conray, with the group tonight, with everyone. It is a good feeling, happy … honest.
I did so enjoy seeing Beth. she has a profoundly deep beauty that is showing through more strongly now than ever - a blend of who she is now with strong currents of who she was as of Sarada Devi, wife of Ramakrishna - Holy Mother. WE are Holy Mother. Such warmth, Her welcoming embrace…. It was a good feeling - being home, almost. I felt such a deep kinship - connection with her. Susan - my other sisters, Jeff, Cliff. There is no feeling about life or not life. It all is just the same.
Smell everywhere. I smell the country music on the radio. I wanted to ask … the spirits … about the deaths. I felt concern about so many of the elders leaving at this time. Is it only that there work is finished or does it indicate that we have failed in our attempt to turn things toward a more beautiful future? So many are leaving through death. No matter. NO need to worry. It is good.
Perfection is back, it has returned. If it tends to dome and go for a while - that is OK. I remember it clearly now.
I remember it clearly now!